Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Have decided to call my tumour Cruella and I can honestly say it has been well and truly christened at Ady’s I’m not 40 birthday party on Saturday which was great!! Friday night comedy with Red Nose day, Holly wanted to know if she could climb a smaller mountain before Kilimanjaro. Looks like the lakes next year for us! Caught up with Wendy, Sara and Kerri on Sunday. I was really stupidly anxious about meeting up with them. Being extremely tired didn’t help but it was great and enjoyed myself.

On the way home stopped off at Bristol so Holly could have a KFC (Lucky girl had 2 of those this weekend). Due to my tiredness I think, I got angry with the world again on the way home. Cruella better not have any friends lurking around my body.

Lit some candles around my medicine Buddha (Buddha Amitabha) had a listen to the healing mantra Jamie sent me. All lovely and relaxed before having a good nights sleep (with a bit of help from Mr Z)

Monday I came up with another good saying, Maltesers make good tranquilisers. I have to accept though that is not an excuse for me to keep eating them. Need to find an alternative!! Left work a bit early. Just seem to get really anxious later on in the afternoon. Had a good chat with Holly and the counsellor phoned up as well. I don’t know how I get the timing right.
Thought I would try the relaxation technique to get a good nights sleep. It didn’t work. I woke up at 1am and have felt terrible all day. Holly bless her got up before me and brought me a hot drink. Got up and went to work before going to the dentist, and the Somerset Cancer support group. This group felt good and we did some relaxation before it finished. Feel more confident about my recovery after meeting some of the members today. Just wish I could fast forward the next 5 months.

I have accepted I will spend the 1st Chemo cycle at home. This will help me plan the next 5 or 7 as I should have an idea how my body will respond. I know it’s not set in stone but this uncertainty is becoming a pain. I was thinking earlier who would want to be me. Didn’t take me long to realise that actually this isn’t all that bad. I’m not a soldier in a war zone, I’m not blind. On facebook earlier a friend had a link on her page which I read
http://www.melissasfightingfund.co.uk/Welcome.html and I feel so much better. This could have been so much worse for me. Well we’ll hold onto that thought until I get my scan results. Hair appointment tomorrow so I will pop into the breast clinic to see if they are in and then hopefully I can feel even more relaxed.
Went to slimming world tonight I have have put on 3.5lbs in 3 weeks. Well no surprises there then will have to refocus on that on my good weeks


  1. "3.5lbs in 3 weeks."
    That's not good at all! Stop it!

    Oh well, at least I know chocolates won't be sniffed at ;-)