Friday, 6 March 2009

Can’t remember what it was today...

Trauma day I think

Feeling good as last day of the week, friends coming down, Bucks Fizz breakfast Sat ….

But I did a really stupid thing. I decided to Google loosing weight with chemo… I didn’t look on any of the search results as I knew I’d just upset myself. The only reason I did it was to see if I’ll beat Rachel to loosing 2 stone. So I got out my chemo fact sheets that I’ve been carrying round in my rucksack and read them. 5 minutes later felt myself getting all hot and nauseous. Took my bottle of diet code (doh) into the canteen and sat down for 5 minutes. Couldn’t open the window to let some air in (just my luck) so just stare out at it. Once I had restored a bit of normality (phew what’s that??) I returned back to my desk and reassured Jim that I was ok and when David came back was able to discuss again what had happened and how I feel.

I have so much anticipation in me. The Dr can give me the worse case scenario so that any positives will help me physiologically but there is absolutely nobody that can tell me how my body is going to respond to the chemo. This is so crap and currently I feel that it doesn’t help me at all. I have to expect the worse case scenario but I want to carry on as normal!!! (At this point I could really smoke a cigarette)

And then there is the NEEDLES …. My arm still hurts from the blood test they took on Tuesday!!

I know I’m not a wimp but argharghargargh … Decided that from now on I will leave all my books and info at home or in the car and not read newspapers in supermarkets telling me that breast cancer patient has died that stood up to the Government for the rest of the breast cancer patients for herceptin treatment!!! ( But a big THANK YOU )

Then I am balling my eyes out (shock settling in) before I even got home. I don’t even know that much about the Cancer I have got! Holly’s step mom had picked her up and had left me a bunch of purple Tulips ( big smile ) and a box of hand made chocolates (bigger smile ) and letting me know they are happy to drop holly off Sunday if I don’t feel like it, which I don’t at this time of writing. Had a good howl couldn’t even tell you what for then phoned Gail to pass it on. IT IS MY TURN!!! Anne phoned didn’t even know who I was speaking to and she was round in 5 minutes so I dropped Gail and gave it to Anne.

Any way totally recovered ( 3 glasses of Red later ) and in an acceptable state to spend the weekend celebrating Fred’s birthday with wine , good food, as I have cooked it, Bucks Fizz breakfast and what ever else we plan to do tomorrow.

Feeling much better (But still might buy a hip flask tomorrow when shopping- I did try the rescue remedy)


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