is today’s mantra...
I woke around 6ish this morning and lay in bed with my head buzzing around and feeling anxious again. A drink would stop this but I know that’s a rocky road to start thinking about that first thing in the morning. I will make sure I get my rescue remedy out my bag to stop the temptation of having a drink or worse I’ve even thought of buying cigarettes. Don’t panic as I’m not doing either have resorted to rescue remedy which I have found and will try tomorrow morning.
Moving on with the Bucks Fizz, Fred and JC are staying over the weekend and we are meeting up with Jo Jo Tone and Tracie and we are all coming out to play with Nigel and Anne. Fred’s birthday is an excellent excuse to have a Bucks Fizz breakfast on Saturday. I lay smiling to myself at this fab idea then remembered that last time I had a Bucks Fizz breakfast with JC and Fred was in Jersey on Lynne’s wedding morning. Wonderful day and I ended up on the floor under the table before dessert was served. The only reason I know this to be true is the picture JC took and got blown up to A4 and showed to everyone. I have a copy in my kitchen. Ummmm better make sure I pace myself and drink lots of water. So with these thoughts I was laughing when I finally got out of bed and came into the kitchen to inspect Holly’s washing up from the day before. I did wash it all again but did laugh that she couldn’t be bothered to open up my lunch box. She really didn’t want to wash up!!
I have to scribble down a dream that I had last night. Keith came into it bold as brass in a wet suit and carrying a body board as if no time had passed since we last saw each other. Very bizarre.
I have replied to Holly’s Granny as she sent me a lovely note and assured her I am of a positive mind which will help in the coming months. Told her this is definitely the last time I join slimming world as last time I joined I fell pregnant, joined again in January and now look at me !!
Work has been a pleasant distraction today. Walked up to the library lunch time and thinking I feel normal I am not ill. Perhaps if I repeated in my mind I have breast cancer it might sink in. Didn’t work. I much prefer this morning’s mantra.
Coming home from work I wondered if I’m fine with the chemo would they up the dosage and avoid surgery? I think I know the answer to that one but still a valid thought. I am really cringing at the thought of a mastectomy.
Asked Holly tonight if she wanted to come to the hairstylist in the hospital with me. She appeared dead keen so will find out if this is going to be ok. We’ve had a wonderful evening at Laura and Alex’s. She interacts so well with them and I forgot about chemo for a few hours.
Must read my documents on my Chemo combination and write up my to do list. Rachel is taking annual leave to take over from Donna for my first cycle of Chemo to be on sick bucket duty. I do hope it’s not too bad….
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