Anniversaries and Firsts !

My skin is healing well from my radiotherapy.  My arm is feeling as it was before it started which is good. Have been busy getting on with things and time is flying by. 
I have made time for reflection - 12 months on from my first chemotherapy session- I smiled when I thought about that day, laughing at Rachel missing the train rather then cringing about hyperventilating over the drugs and needles. Shows what time can do....
To celebrate Easter I shaved my legs for the first time in 12 months and underneath my left arm !! Yes I had to share these firsts with you !! I'm even thinking about getting a hair cut to have a short cut look !!


I did have a pint of Scrumpy Jack for what would have been Colin's birthday on Monday and I remembered Dave and Mum's anniversaries on Thursday with a glass of red wine.  I know time is a healer but it still feels wrong......

One year on.....

This has been an emotional week.   Monday we travelled down to Croydon for my Uncle's funeral.  The upside was the family reunion with our relatives on mum's side.  A lot of lovely childhood memories were rekindled.  Contact details swapped and looking forward to a reunion for the right reasons!!!
Came back Wednesday and continued with my R.T. treatment.  My underarm is now very sore and restricting movement in my right arm.  The rest of the target areas are ok including under the breast where they would expect to see some damage. On today's visit I had the end of treatment chat with the Radiographer, where they confirmed that my skin will get worse after my last treatment (on Monday) and it will be between 10 and 20 days  before my skin starts to get better. Oh well .....
Today, 2 of my old team came into my work base, including Kath who was with me when I was given the news that I had Cancer.  I'm glad we had some time together, (yes it was the pub lunch time) so much has changed all round in the last year.
I am now thoroughly getting excited about our trip to Edinbrough. Flying out a week today for Freds' 40th and Barbara's 50th birthday celebrations.  15 of us in total and we are going to have a whale of a time.  The C word is banned unless it's C for Champagne !!!!
Have a fab weekend everyone!!!

Radiotherapy - 4 Weeks down 1 week left

I mentioned to the radiographers about feeling nauseous on Friday and they said that it would not have been anything to do with my treatment but to keep them informed.   I haven't felt as rough as I did on Friday and as I started to feel bunged up beginning of the week, I think I was just starting to come down with a cold.  I am sleeping much better this week as well so I'm feeling pretty good at the moment.  The senior Radiologist examined me yesterday and I have to treat my underarm as if there is an open wound and has given me Aquaform Hydrogel wound dressing to apply twice a day.  Thankfully I still have limited feeling there so it is not as bad as it could be. 
I met with the Breast Surgeon at Taunton on Thursday and went through my options for making me look symmetrical and showed me what the operation would involve.  I am going to keep my Bristol appointment and see what they have to say as well to help me make decisions.
We have been off out everyday after RT.  Cheddar, Taunton, Weston Super Mare and Camelford.  It has been a relaxing and entertaining week and only a couple of times towards the end of the day I have had to hold off going to bed as I didn't want to go before the kids!

This weekend I am just getting organised for next week.  Monday I am going to have an early treatment appointment as catching the Paddington train early evening to attend another family funeral in Croydon on Tuesday.  I am getting back Wednesday mid afternoon so can make my usual time and now having my last treatment on Monday 1st March. 

So just chilling and conserving my energy for a weekend in Edinborough for Fred's 40th and Barbara's 50th birthday celebrations on the 5th March.  Getting really excited.... He he he

Radiotherapy - 3 Weeks down 2 to go

All the radiographers are pleased with how I am responding to this treatment. My skin is bearing up really well. They have assured me that they are treating me!!

I am being quite religious in my routine of applying Aloe Vera gel to the target areas and I'm in no doubt that this is key to the current state of my skin. I have no peeling it just looks a bit tanned. I am starting to get uncomfortable underneath the breast but undo my bra rather then use the pads given to me.

Wednesday was the half way marker and today I felt more tired then usual. Whether it is because I am so tired I don't know but felt nauseous around lunch time and felt I wouldn't last the rest of the day at work. I started to feel a bit better after a bottle of Coke, food and sugary sweets and surprised myself as I was gearing up for coming home and going to bed.

I'm on annual leave next week as it's half term. Sandra and Kieran have come down to stay. At least if this is the onset of the fatigue that you are told accompanies this treatment, I can stay in bed whilst Sandra amuses the kids!!! Then there will be only one week left of treatment before recovery period starts!! Whey hey bring it on!!!

Radiotherapy - 1 Week down 4 to go

I feel a sense of achievement and relief. I am still anxious about how I am going to feel after week 5 but week 1 has been a breeze. Friday, my 5th treatment, I was out of work for about an hour which included a 15 minute wait at the Beacon Centre where I have my treatment. The girls at work are taking it in turns to moisturise the target area on my back - THANK YOU !! - Holly does this for me at home and I do my front. It feels just like you have sat in the sun without your sun cream but I have been warned the skin will get hard over the duration of my treatment. I am using Aqueous cream and Aloe Vera gel, 3 sometimes 4 times a day.

I turn up for my treatment, get booked in by the receptionist and wait to be taken to the locker room where I take off my top clothes. I can either wear a hospital gown or my own clothes. I have chosen to wear a vest top. I get released from my changing room by the nurse and walk round a couple of bends to where the Radiotherapy machine is. I remove my top and lie on the bed and the radiographers do all the work.

My hands are placed out the way in the rests so that they are the same level as my head. They then move and juggle me to the right position using laser beams to measure up the 3 dot tattoo's on my chest and working to the mm. Once they are happy I am in the right position I have to stay as still as I can. The machine delivering the beams moves around me. The delivery of the beams takes up about 10 minutes in total which includes the radiographers popping in to check and reset it. They are watching all the time from cameras in the room.

I have had the pleasure of listening to the best of Lionel Ritchie twice this week so have took in my own CD of Well being music that I use when I am trying to relax or mediate- Thank you Leina !!

The team are brilliant there. I feel relaxed and confident with them. I am meeting other RT patients in the waiting room as well including a couple of familiar faces, a lady from my Chemo days and another lady from my GP practice. Hark at me "My Chemo Days"

Have a good weekend everyone and bring on Week 2!!

Day one of Radiotherapy Treatment has arrived!

Feeling quite anxious all day. I knew the administration of it was going to be painless but it was the unknown. It was uncomfortable more then anything and I have tingling like sunburn as I write this 2 hours later. I had to lie still for over half an hour with my arms resting above my head on arm rests. I managed to stifle a sneeze and was desperate to clear my throat after a while. Lionel Ritchie the best of was playing on the CD throughout the duration. The bed was still and the machine moved around me, left, right and right back clicking during intervals. Tomorrow's session should not be as long but also not as quick as they hope it will be until they get comfortable with all the measurements. I have to go Monday to Friday for 5 weeks. By the end of it I should be in and out in half an hour not the hour and half it took today!

Last Tuesday I went to the Force Cancer Centre in Exeter for a Look Good Feel Better workshop.Take a look at http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.co.uk/site/index.cfm for more details. I arrived in the town centre early as I was meeting my friend Cathy for lunch and did a bit of a shop. The workshop was brilliant, going through our bag of goodies and using them on for the 12 steps make up programme. Again it was so good mixing with other ladies at different stages of their treatment and some not even Breast Cancer. Glad I was able to make the trip as I had cancelled my first appointment last year as had so many appointments in the same week.

Got to remember to put on loads of Aqueous cream day and night now. Will also invest in some pure Aloe Vera gel and keep it in the fridge !!!

On another note my sister in law has posted some of the tributes we received for Colin which I also read out at the service. http://sandy.thedaviesclan.net/2010/01/thank-you.html For those who knew him and might like to have a read.

Here's hoping I get another good night sleep....

Happy New Year - Radiotherapy here I come!

Happy new year everyone! Hope ours is a bit better then last year. Can't even describe the mixture of emotions going through my head at the moment...

Back at work today and went to my first Radiotherapy appointment. The Radiographer was lovely once I got seen after waiting for 45 minutes. Had a chat, going over the forms before lying down on the scanner. The Radiographer explained to me the process and she was a bit evasive over the use of the needle word. I butted in and said your using needles and she nodded. I rolled my eyes, here we go again I thought but at least it will only be once she says hoping.

Both the Oncologist Dr's then came in to mark the spots. I laughed as it was like a mini reunion as I hadn't seen one of them since September. I got taped, scanned and needled. It wasn't too bad. I can't feel anything on my right hand side any way!

After getting dressed they had to take my photo. This was weird as I had to hold up a big strip of paper confirming my patient number, bit like someone who has had to go to prison and then it was all over. I know I am over the worst of my treatment but not looking forward to the fatigue that is going to accompany the Radiotherapy. Just starting to feel closest to normal then I have for a long time. My treament plan has also been confirmed with 25 appointments starting on the 25th January. All of them are at 4:15pm or later apart from 2 which are at 2:45pm. Also don't have to fret as Colin's funeral is before this treatment starts. It feels weird as we had been sharing our treatment trauma's he didn't get to tell me how he felt when he had his radiotherapy. Hey Ho.....

Angels are celebrating

as my younger brother passed away yesterday evening. Peacefully, dignified and with his family. He is now with Mum and my other 3 brothers and no longer in any pain. Here's to a better year next year starting with a christening and a celebration of my late brothers life.

Merry Christmas everyone and raise a glass.

Love Sue xxx

8 Weeks Post Op - Normality finding it's way slowly

I have been back at work now for 2 weeks which is brilliant. I still have discomfort but it is diminishing. I can even lie on my right side for a short time now.
2nd December is when I saw my oncologist and the radiographer. They examined my new breast and agreed the results were good. The Dr told me probably 5 weeks of radiotherapy and the radiographer told me 4. I have decided to think about 5 so I wont be dissappointed. My appointment for being marked up has already come through for the 5th January and they'll confirm my treatment plan then.
This was my first visit to the Beacon centre since my last chemo in September and it was a good feeling seeing the familiar faces. They recognised me even though Dolly is totally redundant now. One lady on the reception had recognised me on the T.V. and came over and told me she thought it was me and how good it was :-) .
We also decided at my visit to the Breast Care Centre on the 4th Dec that I don't need to have any more fluid drained now. Yippe ! Also one of our local breast care nurses returned my call on a unrelated issue and said she had seen me on T.V. and said how brilliant it was !
I have only cried 3 times in the last fortnight so feel I am coping well. I have been able to start moisturising my new breast ready for the radiotherapy to dry it out. I did struggle with touching my breast all over inititially but eventually got over it so I thought I would push myself one step further and look at it. Looked at my back wound first and thought looks rough but I know it will soften in time. I looked at my breast but not for very long. It wasn't me I thought and I understand why people say it is good but to me it's not my breast and didn't think it was great to look at. I know technically it is great but I struggled to think it fab. I know more work is to take place and my body shape is going to change again but decided wont be looking at it again any time soon.
I have 1 week of work left before I break up for the Christmas festivities. I hope to get my christmas cards done and out next week. Then some baking to do. Some things never change and I feel lucky in the knowledge that I can cope with it. xxxx

6 weeks Post Op

Hi everyone
I'm feeling really fab at the moment as the Dr said I was ok to go back to work Monday, had a good nights sleep last night and have been driving again this week- my independence is coming back. I still have restricted mobility in my arm but that is going to be months before that gets back to normal. Still get tears for no reason but better out then in. I think last night was the suspension of my life whilst dealing with Cruella and getting well again and then this morning I felt great!
I have had 2 trips to see my surgeon in Bristol and he doesn't want to see me again until March. He is extremely pleased with how my new breast is shaping up. My back wound is still moist in the middle but again in time that will change. 2 weeks ago I had 700ml of seroma drained from my back and 4oomls this week so won't be long before that dries up.

Monday this week I attended a Moving Forward seminar in Bristol. Thank you Carl for getting me there and thanks Claire from picking me up from the station and taking me home. This was an event organised by the Breast Care nurses at Bristol. There was a talk on Diet, exercise, Lymphodema, and dressing after a mastectomy. We also had massages by the Therapeutic team from the Red Cross. The whole day was extremely relevant and interesting. Notably meeting other women at different stages of their treatment plans. Some of us were able to give reassurance to a lady having her first chemo session yesterday and I was given reassurance about my radiotherapy treatment from ladies who have already had theirs. I could have done with meeting a similar group after I was given my diagnosis. There's nothing like meeting people who have either recently completed or still traveling the same journey. I didn't feel so alone and whilst we are all different, we were all on the same journey.
Funnily whilst waiting to be taken up the room where the seminar was being held, I was chatting (yes some things never change) about our respective treatment plans and I confirmed I hadn't met many people who had had their chemotherapy before their op and this lady, also called Sue, went onto to say that there was this lady on the T.V. that's had the treatments in the same order as you and was trying to remember the name of the show. I smiled and owned up to it being me :-) - And thank you for my lift to the Station Sue and Sue's husband and keep me posted on how your radiotherapy treatment goes.
Last Friday was a great evening thank you Holly and the friends you roped in to help you give me a birthday party. I am so looking forward to going to work next week. I have an appointment with my oncologist on Tuesday so should know more about my radiotherapy treatment and I also need to get my back drained again. Partial normality coming my way :-). My nails are still ridged and breaking off but my hair has been having a groweth spurt so have started to make Dolly redundant. That may change next week when I go into work but we'll see.
Taking Holly to see New Moon this evening and Saturday we are going to Worcester to have a joint birthday celebration with Kerri. Will also catch up with family and friends whilst I'm there which is always good.

Have a great weekend everyone

Sue

Post Op part 2 !

What a busy bee I have been since I last posted.

Firstly our trip to London for the This Morning interview. Holly and I arrived Monday lunchtime and after being dropped of at our hotel decided to get something to eat and head into Convent Garden for a mouch. It was quite pleasant there was not huge crowds. We walked to Trafalger Square spending some time in the National Art Gallery before making our way to Leicester Square and catching tube back from Picidilly Cricus. Rachel arrived and Kath turned up for dinner as well as she was in London that week staying around the corner. We were driven to the studios in the London morning traffic arriving in plenty of time for my debut T.V. appearance.
For those who didn't get to see this http://www.itv.com/lifestyle/thismorning/more/breastcancerawarenessmonth/

Tracie arrvied on Thursday to take up her role as mine and Holly's Carer. We had a pink friday at work. Rachel and Laura finally turned up, party at Kaths Friday night. Saturday I started to feel in a ummm lets try and not think about Monday mood. Planned a shopping trip for my Farewell boob party. Tracie took Rachel to Hospital, meanwhile Kerri and Wendy turned up so mood lifted. Rachel and Tracie finally returned with a surprise guest. My sister Francis from London. I knew she was up to something and Francis never entered my head !! That was it then. Nno room for the anxious mood and we had a lovely evening with lovely food, drink and company. Sunday a walk up Cothelstone hill cleared the lungs. When everyone departed, I got out the questionnaire that I had agreed to take part in and completed it. Got Holly organised and walked her over to her friends house. Would we like a glass of wine ??? ummm didnt take long to decide on that one. I embarrasingly forgot to make Holly's sandwiches for the next day but Claire wouldn't take no for an answer and provided Holly with her lunch. Thank you Claire and Carl for your kindness. We had a lovely distractive evening. Couldn't bring myself to pack so left that for the morning.
Had a sniffle before I got up. I know I'm in safe hands, I know it's the right thing to do but still feeling mournful about loosing my breast. Time whizzed by and before I knew it I was being brought round and given sips of water before being taken back up to my ward where I was going to be cared for along with 5 other ladies. Tuesday my surgeon examined his handy work and confirmed that he was pleased with the outcome. All I can see is lopsided breasts and my cleavage. I have taken a peak but have decided to leave this for a while. The nurses are angels is all I can say. There were 3 ladies in our bay who had Tracheostomies fitted and this just reminded me of the last time I saw Dave before he passed away last year. So when the tears started, as they do, I didn't know why or who I was crying for. Me Colin or Dave. Thanks to everyone for all my messages, cards flowers Chocolates and visits.
I came round from surgery with 4 drains attached to me where the Seroma fluid was being drained from my back. I went home with 2 and the level of fluid being drained dropped. I couldn't wait to get home and I got to choose Chilli for tea!! During tea Tracie noticed one of the drains had stopped working. We both thought that was good. Later when I went upstairs I realised I was wet underneath my arm. I hadn't felt it as was still numb. Tracie organsied visit from District Nurse and we decided it had dislodged somehow and attempted to repair it. I woke up drenched, after my first full nights sleep in a week. My scheduled D Nurse got onto the BRI and I started to cry as it sounded like they wanted me back up there. It wasn't a bother Tracie reassured me but I just didnt want to go anywhere. End result was the D Nurse was allowed to remove the drain - Hooray only 1 more left which got removed Sunday as hardly anything was coming out. Starting to feel better. Tracie has been brilliant. Never mind have I been doing as I am told. I have been submissive as couldn't do anything anyway or as Tracie put it She is the dominant bitch !!
Retail therapy has helped but had a blip last Wednesday when I went for my follow up appointment in Bristol. My back was drained again, wound checked and dressing changed. All agreed my wound was healing well and the lovely consultant surgeon wanted to know how I was manageing and getting on and then the serious talk about the Pathology results. They were able to confirm the orginal size of Cruella in what they had removed so she's gone. However, of the 10 lymph nodes they removed for examination they confirmed that 4 had cancerous cells passed through them and therefore I was going to be refered for radiotherapy treatment. I always knew this was a probabilty but I really didn't want to hear it. This was going to minimize the risk of local recourance of the same tumour. All I could think about was that C cells had travelled outside my breast. I managed to make it through the rest of my appt. The rest of my treatment can be carried out in Taunton unless I specify otherwise. For practical reasons this is great news and he has met the new reconstruction surgeon that is starting here soon and that I would like him. I didn't even make it out of the hospital before the tears started. Thankfully Tracie was paying more attention then me and reminded me that 6 out of the 10 didn't have c cells which is also good.
Thursday I set about ringing the Breast Care team in Taunton to arrange appointments for my back to be drained and to be measured for a prosthetic breast. After being told the nurses were all in a busy clinic and I was happy for an afternoon call I had a call back within 5 minutes and we arranged an appt for Thursday afternoon this week. Went out to lunch with work collegues and when we got back I had a letter inviting me out for Christmas lunch with the Somerset Breast Cancer Support Group. Didn't know they existed. Friday more retail therapy required and had a productive afternoon out in Wells. When we got home I had a message from the Breast Care team in Bristol, Sorry we missed you on Wednesday, glad to see everything progressing well. I take it you are out which is good, please ring if you need us for anything and if I don't hear from you I will call you back on Monday!
I have had a lovely weekend. Laura came down, Lynne came up, James, Lynnes new bf, came over. Tracie did my make up and we scared the monsters knocking on our door >Big Grin< !! Sunday had a lovely lunch over in Chard with some friends. I felt tearfully tired when I went to bed but I had a good nights sleep and here we are the start of another week where I am gaining more Independence on a daily basis.
Sometimes in the morning before I get out of bed, if I lie still I don't feel any discomfort and for a minute I can pretend that none of this has happened and that it is all a dream and that I am getting up in a mo to cycle to work :-)

Operation Boob Job (pt1)!!

Ok Folks, short and sweet update for you!!

Operation has gone well, no problems and Sue is in recovery recovering!!!

I've left a message with the Staff Nurse passing on all your good wishes etc., and will hopefully get to speak to her sometime tomorrow.

Thats it for now, I'll keep you updated with any news I get.

I know Sue appreciates all your support and good wishes xx

lots of love

Rachel (and Sue)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A huge THANK YOU !!

Thanks to all of you who have made the time to leave messages on my Blog, Facebook and phone. Your comments and experiences that have been shared with me have moved me to tears. I had no idea of what the impact would be of sharing my Blog with the wider audience.

Despite the wonderful support I have had, I have felt a loneliness I can’t describe. I know that I am not the only one on the planet going through this. Sharing my journey has helped eliminate those feelings to a degree. Using my sense of humour and helping other people has been enormously beneficial. Thank you to those who have shared there own experiences with me. I feel privilidged and hope that it has helped you in some way writing as it has helped me reading them.

I am so pleased knowing that my appearance on “This Morning” yesterday has encouraged so many women to check themselves (men shouldn’t be excluded from this either). Something I shall be doing when I have recovered.
Chloe – You know how scary I can be J
Penny (nee Smith) – I remember the name I even remember the house but cannot visualise you. I’m only in Taunton !!!
Angelique –. If you read my earlier post’s when I was on FEC you may find some tips. I was fortunate not to catch anything and I know having children makes that difficult. (Just started having a cough now though). If it’s ok I would also like to ask you questions about your mastectomy.
Ange – Please let me know how you get on. What’s your treatment plan?.
Hayley – I have skimmed through your blog and you are also an amazing young lady and I love the a Tee –shirt!
Jane / Janice / Sue / Kendra – Good luck and keep positive. Let me know your treatment plans are.
Donna – Let me know how you get on fingers crossed it is’nt x

Best of luck to all of us

Sue
Xxx
Suejane.davies@googlemail.com

Op countdown and what a week ahead we've got!!

Countdown started since confirmation of Op date. The 2 studies I am taking part in is as follows.
1. Quality of Life as an aid to decision making in breast reconstruction after mastectomy- filling out questionnaires pre-op, post op, follow ups and some post op Photos.
2. Trial of the effect of Tisseel on donor site seroma formation following latissimus dorsi breast reconstruction - In plain English - Tisseel is Tissue glue, Seroma is the liquid that develops after surgery which has to be drained, Latissimus dorsi is the type of reconstruction I'm having, tissue being brought from my back. This is to study the volume of seroma that is collected after the op between 2 groups. Group 1 normal finish up after surgery pipes and drains. Group 2 using Tissue glue to close the space created by surgery on my back. I won't know which group I will be in until I wake from surgery as the surgeon won't know until they open the envelope before he's starts.
Right, now for my week ahead. Back in March my sister Rachel was fed up with what was and has happened to our family with Cancer. Really not fair with Colin and myself having chemo at the same time in different parts of the country. Late one night, unable to sleep she started to write an email about it all then sent it to the This Morning (ITV) team, including the link to this blog. Forgot all about it, with everything that has been going on, until last Wednesday when she received a phone call from Ellie, a researcher on the show, who had been passed the email and had a look at my blog. She was impressed with my humour and how I'd been dealing with the chemo and everything and wanted to know if I would like to come and talk about my experience and my blog on the show. Rachel called me when I had got home from work and casually asked if I would mind talking about the last 6 months of my life to someone. Of course I wouldn't mind oh dear who else has been diagnosed ? She assured me no one we knew had been diagnosed and it would be infront of a few million people. I didn't get what she meant at all! Confused!!! (I know, doesn't take much) Then at the mention of Phil n Holly, the penny started to drop!!!. She told me about her earlier conversation with Ellie. Through both of our school girl giggles I replied I wouldn't mind at all. Rachel confirmed this had to be run by the producer first but we still kept laughing all evening. Even if this didn't happen I didn't mind as laughter is great therapy!
Thursday, I got a call as arranged from Ellie and she asked me questions about my blog and the last 6 months and asked me if I would like to come down to the studios - all expenses paid to discuss my blog with Phil and Holly. As it is Breast Cancer awareness month with Dr Chris they are doing a feature on this topic. Would I ----oh yes please !!! Would Holly like to come. No she has school and I had already made enquiries for her overnight displacement from home (Evil mom) I did re-think this yesterday and got back to Ellie and she confirmed this was still ok and school have been informed.
So Holly Rachel and myself are off to London on Monday, stay over in a lush hotel and being chauffeured to Studios Tuesday. Other guests that day are Ozzy, Joan Collins and Paloma Faith. Holly is so excited. Never mind Phil and Holly is Ozzy coming with Sharon !!!
Prior to this week my only distraction was my worry over Colin. I felt much better after seeing him last Sunday and he appears to be responding well to his 2 ops this week. Now however my last week at home is well exciting. Following on from our trip to London, Wednesday evening I am having some crystal healing, Thursday Tracie is arriving, Friday we are having a PINK Friday at work, Rachel and Laura are coming down and also going out to an evening BBQ . Saturday Kerri and Wendy are coming down so having a few beers, some lovely food and some more friends calling in as well !! Sunday I think we will go up and see the horses on Cothelstone hill weather permitting of course and chilax as have an early start on Monday!!! No time to fret and using this weekend to shop and pack for London and hospital for me (I really don't know what to wear). Outdoor school trip for Holly. Busy busy busy....

Surgery confirmed after a day at the BRI

Yesterday I had an appointment with the Breast nurse and my surgeon in Bristol to discuss my options after my scan results taken last week. Shouldn't take long i thought and as per ususal nothing turned out as I expected.
When Holly woke up crying as she hadn't slept well I took that as a sign that the day was going to be challanging. I helped her calm down and even took her and her friend to school as her friend had phoned asking if she could get there early.
Driving to Bristol was non eventful, made a mental note to check Fearne Cottons on line black book of dating rules (you never know). I saw that where I could park free all day was now barriered with road works, saw the parking bay free but decided to carry on and turn around so I would be facing the right way home and of course it was all full when I drove back up leaving me no other choice then to use the NCP car park for an appointment that should take no more then 2 hours.
I get to the reception and my breast care nurse is waiting for me. What fantastic service I think. What Lorraine wanted was to say was last weeks scan results were unhelpful and if I didn't mind she had booked me in for a mammogram and ultra sound scan that morning as that department wasn't too busy shouldn't be too long and my consultant and her would wait and have our meeting afterwards. I laughed and said that was fine I hadn't got to worry about parking as in NCP but Lorraine said I shouldn't be long.
When I saw the number of women in the waiting room I didn't share her optimism and there I waited for nearly 3 hours to have 2 scans. The ultrasound scan couldn't find Cruella at all. I didn't get to see the mammogram xrays.

We ruled out a lumpectomy as we can't see anything, ruled out a wide local incision as they would have to take away one third of my breast and not guarantee that it would include Cruella and then have to have another op. So I am having a Mastectomy with an immediate reconstruction taken from the back as that has the best results for re establishing the blood supply to the moved tissue. 6 months later after the breast has settled they will tattoo a nipple and reduce my left breast to match my reconstructed breast. I have also agreed to take part in 2 studies which I will detail in another post.

Desicions made , the next available slot is October 19th. I confirmed that I can accept, then my surgeon leaves as waiting for me has made him nearly 2 hours late for his teaching lecture he was due at but stayed and waited to save me coming up to Bristol again. What can I say - Carling black label advert -

I mention to Lorraine that my feet have swollen up and on checking them she arranges for me to have a blood test whilst I am there. It is 3.30pm before I leave making it a 4 hour visit. When I process my car park ticket and machine confirms £10 please, my eyes start to water so I start to laugh at it all and make my way home...

Chemo R8 D13 Meeting with Nurse Specialist

I still have tingling in my feet and fingers, dry throat and my eyes have started to water. My appetite is not great but finding it's way back. My bum doesn't hurt and that makes a huge difference. Not sure whether it is the knowledge that I have no more chemo but despite all this I feel really great.

I managed a boiled egg with toast and fruit salad for breakfast before making my way to Bristol to meet with my nurse specialist Lorraine. We chatted for a bit before she went through post surgery bra and clothes options and what I would need in hospital. Went through photos of my consultant surgeons work and methods he uses. Some of the pitfalls and post surgery care. I have also been asked if I would like to take part in 2 studies and have the literature to read this week to help me decide.

As for my operation we cannot decide which / how mine will be done until the results of tomorrow's scan has been discussed at their MDT meeting next Wednesday. My appointment is the same day and after today's meeting we are 95% certain I should be able to make a decision and get a surgery date for a few weeks later.

I am getting stronger every day now and looking forward to going into work as well. Having a shopping spree with Holly this weekend and a weekend in Burnahm on Sea with Jennifer and Gail next weekend providing of course I haven't been called in for surgery.....

Chemo round 8 day 9

Thanks for your helpfull comments Gill.
Have started to feel a bit better today. Stayed up this morning to watch a DVD. It has been a hard week really. My Sister in Law Sandra rushed into Hospital Sat early morning. I have never felt so useless knowing I couldn't help with anything. She is home now resting...
My energy levels dropped on Sunday so have mostly been in bed since then. Feet and fingers are very tingly still. It hurts to type or write at the moment. I am using up my complan as don't really want to eat. I started using vaseline on my lips on Sunday and this prevented a crust forming on the corner of my mouth so I feel quite chuffed about that. My tongue is starting to feel normal so will start to taste food better - yippe and yes my bum hurts again...

I had a referral to Bristol Royal Infirmary confirmed on Monday for Wednesday with a surgeon consultant. I don't know what I was thinking of saying i would be ok on the train. Thank you Kath for taking me. It was very informative and I have an appointment with a Nurse Specialist there on Tuesday to go through reconstructions, MRI scan of breast Wednesday and meeting with Surgeon to confirm available options to me on the 23rd September. I'm impressed at the speed this is moving and all i know is that whatever is left of cruella has be operated on by 2nd week in October.
Will keep you posted

Chemo Round 8 Day 1

Final round of chemo administered. Just got the nasty bit now that lasts for 14 daysish before I start to feel better. Tounge already lost it's colour so have started taking the difflam and my taste buds have changed. Already taking stuff to soften the bowel contents. Round 7 days 3 to 8 were spent mostly in bed and on the sofa so here goes..... but for the last time and I have started to take multi vits to help and in addition to the strawberry complan I now have a supply of banana and vanilla - Thanks Kerri for your contribution to this - I love you xx

Feeling a bit evil mannered at the moment. I feel exhusted and tired still which doesn't help. I have made a decision yesterday at my pre-assesment appt that I am not going to go for immediate reconstruction after my masectomy in October. This is mainly because the surgons will not be able to confirm if I will need to have radiotherapy until the standard removal of 4 lymph nodes to examine them for signs of cancerouse cells which is only done during surgery. The radiotherapy will effect the reconstructed breast and knowing my luck I will need it. The benifits will be that I will now be having a smaller operation on October giveing me a speedier recovery. I can choose to have my reconstruction done anytime after 6 months giving me time to restore my fitness levels and research and decide on the options open to me on reconstruction. Also this will all be done in Taunton. Lots of things to think about at the moment...

Chemo Round 7 Day 8

What a week. Started going downhill Sunday really so it has been bed sofa and unavoidable trip to supermarket and post office so far. I feel so tired and I appreciate it is accumulative. My bum is really sore and I am struggling with doing anything other then resting, making food, resting and getting upset about clearing up! Holly's at her dad's this week so cabin fever isn't pleasant.
I can't seem to find banana flavour complan and strawberry is getting on my nerves abit but am drinking it as my appetite isn't great. Had a bit of a turn on Wednesday morning, came over all cold and sweaty and had to lie down. When I felt confident in standing up it was check I had turned off cooker as I had been making my porridge, unlock front door, grab phone and blue book with phone numbers and thermometer, in that order. During this time my sister in law Sandy called and I burst into tears. I would have thought that by round 7 I shouldn't experience new side effects and feeling vunerable was quite shaken by it. I phoned the Beacon Centre (our local cancer day unit) to share this new experience with them. As my temperature was ok I was doing everything right. Lying down and resting till it passed over. To avoid a posse from tearing down the M5 from Worcs I did call my friend Laura who came round and sat with me till I felt calmer, well longer then that really - Thank you Laura.
My temperature started creeping up last night so a call to Ward 9 to confirm I could take paracetamol with my other drugs I had taken was made. I decided not to take a z tab to sleep as I wanted to check my temperature again. I managed to get off to sleep and even though I woke up every 2 hours or so I was able to go back to sleep without struggling. This carried on right through to around midday today so feeling quite chuffed.
Feeling quite tearful and sorry for scaring you Phillipa but thank you and to Caroline for popping round.
I am really excited about our camping holiday in North Devon which starts Saturday with my sister, brother and their families. I am sure fresh sea air and more rest will help and I can always stay in bed all day there as well as I can here :-)

Chemo Round 7 Day 1 Penultimate session !!!

How Cool is that I feel fab !!!Only one more session left and they cannot surprise me with any more !!!! Have to share a poem my friend Caroline sent me to keep my positivity up - Chemo is fab, chemo is fantastic. Sometimes it feels bad, sometimes drastic, however that little blighter will soon be gone and you will hear me singing this song, Chemo is fab, chemo is fantastic, "Bring it on", "Bring it on".
I know it hasn't been brilliant I have 6 weeks + before starting to feel better but with Cruella shrinking as well I can honestly say,"Aint been brilliant, it's not nice or pleasant in any way but has all been manageable". Thanks Daria and everyone else for your wonderful comments either by email, text, phone, facebook, face to face, cards, posters and presents. I cannot explain how or why but it all helps in my dark moments and I don't feel so alone.
Have managed a few days work as well which makes me feel useful but I'm not overdoing it but it is good seeing everyone and getting out for a few hours.
Some really good news today, my brother Colin emailed and he has had the ok to join us on our camping holiday in North Devon in 2weeks time and he's got onto the same camp site as us. I'm not sure who's more excited me, him or Holly, rr haven't spoken to Kerian yet :-)
Well still to get some complan in for next week. Drinking lots of water as my throat is dry but ready for next weeks rest..... 3 weeks to go before my last chemo session hooray !!!