Chemo Round 2 day 1.

Oddly but thankfully, I went back to sleep this morning after waking up at too early again. Also I was not feeling anxious either. I must bring meditation into my regular routine. Went to work this morning before making my way to MPH. I wasn’t thinking of needles I was thinking of playing with scarves with Linda from the SCC. I was calm when I went in, there was a bit of wait due to the new computer system but I chatted to patients and relatives in the waiting room.

My nurse called me and off I went into a different room this time. She had another clinical assistant with her and I was taken to the end of the room where there was a bed and chair but quite spacious. They pulled a cubical curtain across and started asking me how I was feeling and want they could do to help diffuse the anxiety I displayed on round 1. They mentioned if I had asked for some medication, can’t remember the drug name, I told them the difference I felt after the complementary therapy I had received at the CAFÉ (Cancer Aid for Everyone) and that I was still feeling ok and wasn’t feeling too traumatised. She confirmed she was going to use my left hand and arranged the infusion machine accordingly. I asked if I could place my arm and pillow on the arm of the chair and this was ok. I was on a roll, feeling relaxed, everything to my left, I could look right what more could I ask for.

The nurse and assistant went off and came back after quite a while with another nurse that has to be present when I confirm my name and date of birth. At this point Linda pops her head through the door and waves at me. Great she’s found me and will come back when I’m less popular.

I didn’t see any of the drugs, they were covered in the tray. I plugged my ipod in and looked right. The nurse and assistant were brilliant, I didn’t even jump with the prick, I felt relieved. They were doing what ever it was they had to do but nurse voiced concern over having pricked a weak vein and the impact this was going to have on my treatment and asked me If I was ok she would prefer to have a stronger vein. I was feeling brave and said I was fine but I couldn’t believe it. Them upstairs, can see I’m not as traumatised as before, and I’ve diffused the anxiety successfully without drugs, but still want to keep me on my toes. Well I showed them and braved it out!!!

So two pricks on my hand it was, lovely chat followed as the syringes were administered and then it was on the machine. I was asked if I wanted lunch and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, time was getting on so said yes please. I could see a couple of the other patients in the room and was inspired by another lady receiving an infusion, using the hand with the cannular in to complete her puzzle book. I was feeling brave, I lifted the cloth covering mine. umm not too bad, put it back down again. I built up my courage and started to move my fingers, umm not too bad. Getting super brave now, took off the cotton wool taped to 1st prick and moved fingers again. Whey hey well done me! This left me smiling. My nurse had changed, it was Suzanne from last time and she was pleased to see me not so traumatised. The only complaint I had was that my lunch hadn’t arrived and I was starting to feel shaky. Bless although the other HCA had chased it up, Suzanne found that the volunteer had placed it in the fridge so relief came and so did Linda. I checked it was ok to say there in the chair and eat my lunch and for Linda to show me how to best use the scarves. The HCA and other patient joined in and I even got a sale for MPH as she liked what I had brought with me and we had fun. All done, bought another scarf and beanie hat, as Linda had kindly returned the wig for me that I’m not keeping and took my payment and delivery note to the wig lady whilst I was eating my lunch. I just popped over to check all ok and it was and I drove myself home!

Mouth started to water not too bad, had a sleep, need to work out how I can sleep in the afternoon but not get to sleep at night time. Karen called round on way home, I shed a few tears but not from self pity this time, just felt tearful. Had a lovely chat made some tea and ate it and kept it down. Currently don’t feel to bad…

Holly comes home Friday, called Pat who reminded me I am 1/3 of the way through my treatment plan. This sounds good and doesn’t time fly.

Sue